Gimp Hand Leach

Monday, July 25, 2011

Willful ignorance

With a handy translation for the lucky people out there who live far away from these idiots.

I heard you had to drive him home after two umbrella drinks
*He drinks what he likes, that kind of confidence scares me*
I heard he's got a Prius, 'cause he's into bein' green
*He made a responsible smart choice when choosing an automobile*
My buddies said he saw ya'll, eatin' that sushi stuff
*He is open to new things and food he didn't grow up with*
Baby that don't sound like you, that don't sound like love, sounds like it sucks...
*What happened to the moron I used to love, he is way better than me*
He can't even bait a hook
*He can't do the trivial things I can, probably cause he has deeper interests*
He can't even skin a buck
*he shops at the grocery store, he's urban, I'm so backwoods*
He don't know who Jack Daniels is
*He is not an alcoholic, I have a destroyed liver*
He ain't ever drove a truck
*he has a nice car, I am jealous*
Knows how to throw out a line, but not the kind in a field and stream book
*he is social and can talk to women, I hide in the woods*
No darlin' I ain't even worried, you'll come runnin' back
*I am in denial*
He can't even bait a hook.
*Come back baby, I won't hit you anymore*

Has he kissed you in a hay field as the summer rain falls down?
*Remember that one time we made out?*
Has he took you to meet his mama, back in his home town?
*You can't leave me, my mother would be disappointed*
Does he drive the interstate, or take them old back roads?
*He has a GPS and takes the most efficient route, he is better than me*
Can he melt your heart with a country song, every good old boy should know?
*Can he write dumb shit like this song*
I didn't think so...
*Please come home, I will find a job, I promise*


At the end of the song he mumbles something about the new boyfriend not being able to change the tires on his expensive European car. First off, the Prius is made by Toyota which is a Japanese company. So once again Justin Moore is an idiot or this guy is rich enough to own a Prius and an expensive European car. Secondly, you'd think someone who makes enough for a Mercedes and a Prius would probably have AAA, just a thought.

If you listen to this song and it speaks to you, was written about you, or you even kind of like it... kill yourself. This kind of stupidity and insular backwardness is what makes people hate country music and rural America in general. Seriously if this song is "cool" to you - kill yourself, it would make my trips to Wal-Mart more pleasant.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011